WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
