I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
