Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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