Cold hands, warm shart.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
