So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just cropdusted the office
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
