the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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