Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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