I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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