he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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