Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
