The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
