Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
