I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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