Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
