To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
