No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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