Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
