I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
