I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
