well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
