He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
