i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
