i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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