I puked a lego.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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