ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize