This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
