In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
