Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
