dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize