he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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