Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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