We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
