the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
