went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
