I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
