apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
