Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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