just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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