im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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