btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
