My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
