butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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