i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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