I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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