white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize