Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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