So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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