My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
