Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
