Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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