Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
