his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
