if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
