Someone shit on the floor
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
