Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
