there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
