put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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