Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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