Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am naked and annoyed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
