I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
