I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
