i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
