I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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