You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
