so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
