Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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