My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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