Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
