Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
