My hand turned me down
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
