Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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