Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
