So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
