When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
