I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
