You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
