So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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