god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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