so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
