ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
