Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
