I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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