I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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