Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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