Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
