I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I AM VODKA MAN
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
