Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize