Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
