woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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