the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
